Yesterday we met up. He had texted the day before saying he had something to tell me and something to ask me.
We ended up going for a walk around the board walk, swimming, lunch and to Home Depot to pick out a vanity for the basement for our insurance company to replace (in the winter a pipe had burst and flooded the basement).
It was a very fun day and was filled with lovey dovey moments. Hand holding, kissing compliments. It was a fantastic day.
Until she called.
Months ago he had promised to go to her daughters dance recital. There was an extra dance that the girls were doing for their fathers and he agreed to be there for hers.
It’s not the first time that she’s ruined a good day that we’ve been having.
It seems like they’re broken up for good. He’s been slowly giving her stuff back to her.
The truck of his car was filled with stuff he was going going to give her at the recital.
I’m not sure where we stand on since he had to leave in a hurry yesterday.
It’s hard to tell anything with him lately.
He did ask me to go to his brother’s wedding with him. I really want to go. I haven’t really given him an answer yet.
I’m supposed to go to a blue jays game the next day and it’s a long drive. I’m also supposed to be having a belated birthday with my friend that weekend.
If I could just figure out what he’s been thinking lately it would help me decide.
Lately I’ve been feeling a bit down. I keep getting the urge to call him to text him. Go over and see him.
I haven’t though.
I don’t think he’d want it.
Which is why I feel a little down.
I also keep having dreams that we’re back together. Nice dreams to have but leaves me feeling sad that it’s not true.
Part of the reason I feel a little down is his brother’s wedding is In a couple of weeks. I’d love to be able to go. Of course that wouldn’t happen.
I’ve never really been close to my family. With his family bring so big there was always something going on. People to talk to. It was amazing. Now I’m back to being by myself. No family. No events. My family only gets together on holidays and its rushed and feels like no one wants to be there. I doubt my family really knows who I am.
I think I need to get out and do something to help me shake the blues. Unfortunately it’s supposed to rain all week so that leaves little to do.
This weekend is a friend’s birthday party. It’ll help cheer me up. These are the friends that let me stay with them during everything. My guardian angels.
I told him about his family getting together. In case he wanted a ride. I had plans a few towns over so I figured it made sense. Instead he flips out over how his family would rather have me in it and not him and they can all go and fuck themselves. He went on ranting for awhile about how much he hates all of them. Especially his youngest sister because he knows she’s the one I’m closest to.
I wasn’t even going to go to visit with his family. Just drop him off and possibly use the washroom. I had plans in wasaga. He completely jumped to conclusions.
When I told him that I wasn’t invited he just ranted about how they talk to me and not him. I really only talk to his sister. None of the boys. He’s the one that wanted us to talk. In fact he told everyone that they should still talk to me. Now he’s upset that they do talk to me.
I didn’t want to make him upset. He said that he wanted to spend more time with his family but that doesn’t have the money for it and then when I give him a cheap way to see them he freaks out.
He’s been very mood swingy lately. I’m really trying to help but I’m not sure what to do.
His sister has invited me to come hang out with her this weekend for the long weekend. Most of her brothers will be there. I haven’t hung out with all of them in a group since everything happened.
I’m not sure if I should go or not. I don’t want to make things awkward.
Also he’s told me that he wishes he could see his family more but he thinks they hate him. I don’t think they hate him but are confused by what he’s been doing lately.
I’m not sure if I should tell him that they’ll all be together. I want to try and help him with his depression. Im sure people will think I’m naive because of it. I just can’t leave someone alone that needs help.
My parents don’t know we talk other than about getting my stuff back or lawyer stuff. To them he’s public enemy number one. It’s not surprising with my father. Once he’s made a decision that’s it. Almost nothing could get him to change his mind. He’s the type to go on a gut feeling. It’s surprising with my mom. She used to be a nurse so she has seen depression and mental illnesses in action but she’ll only say things like I shouldn’t talk to him it’s too little too late. He knows he’s made mistakes but it’s too bad according to her.
Glad to know my parents are so forgiving for if I ever make a mistake. I guess there’s a reason that we’ve never been that close.
Part of my problem is I will do anything in my power to help anyone.
So now my dilemma is should I let him know his family is getting together so he can join them? Should I offer his a ride as they live 5 hours away and I’m going that way anyway? Should I visit them without telling him? Should I just forget it and go somewhere else for the long weekend?
So yesterday we ended up sleeping together again. He had papers that I needed to sign from our house insurance.
I guess last time we were both a little disappointed that it was cut short with both of us having to go back to work so we pre planned it this time. We even spent the morning until our lunch breaks sexting each other to help get in the mood.
During he kept saying things like when did I become so good at it and we both we very satisfied after.
Today he’s gone back to his he wants to be by himself to think. But he did actually open up a bit and say why he needed time to himself. Most because he’s been depressed.
It seems like he has a lot of regrets but is trying not to think about it. Trying to learn from his mistakes.
I gave him a bit of advice. Ways to be happy.
Ended very amicable. He even said he might talk to me again soon since talking does help.
I hope things keep up like this.
He delivered my summer tires for my car today. My bicycle too.
I hadn’t heard from him in about a week. He’s been not talking to anyone lately. Not even his family.
He says he has things to figure out for himself and doesn’t want anyone influencing him. I get that. I’ve been suggesting from the beginning that he take some time alone just for himself to figure things out but he was too depressed to be alone. Apparently being alone back then gave him sucidal thoughts.
He came over on my lunch break to deliver my tires and bike. It was really nice of him. Especially since he was wanting to be alone.
He stayed for the entire hour. We had a nice talk while I ate. He had already had his lunch but was great company.
When we were parting to each go back to work we hugged. It was a really long hug. Lasted a couple of minutes. I always loved his hugs. It helps that he’s so much taller than me that he just envelopes me. After the hug he mentioned that it had been awhile and that the hug gave him a boner. As a joke I said I had ten minutes if he’s game. Turned out we were both game.
I’m sure it’ll lead to trouble.
This was probably just another one of those mistakes I mentioned I’d be making.
I hope not…