Stuck In The Middle Again

Not sure what on earth happened last night.

The day starts with him asking me if we could carpool to our hometown on the weekend. His mother’s birthday and my father’s birthday is in the same week. It ends with him spending the night at my apartment in the spare room.

We decided to get together to discuss if we could arrange a way to carpool. We were just going to meet in the park to take a walk while discussing it. It somehow transitioned into us going to dinner instead of for a walk. During dinner he broke down and told me that him and his girlfriend have been broken up for nearly a month. She’s only still living there so her kids wouldn’t be stranded. Which she is milking because she wants to be dating him still.

After dinner he checks his phone and has gotten a billion of texts from her. According to him she’s stolen his car and won’t tell him where it is. She’s driving it with a suspended license. She’s trying to use it as a pawn to get him to go to her.

She didn’t know he was with me. He only told her that he was out with a friend. He ended up staying over at my place so he could actually get some sleep.

At one point in the night he said he realized he made a huge mistake about everything. He’s been very depressed lately.

In the end we used the chance of her being out of the house as a way for me to get some more of my stuff with his truck. I have my dining set and my cat has her scratching posts.

I’m not sure what to make of him and her since they fight and break up so much.

I don’t know if we’ll last as friends. Whatever separation settlement I give him he will fight.

I don’t like conflict. I don’t like arguing.


What is a Friend?

I am so tired. I worked out of town today so I had to wake up at 4am to make it in time. It was a slow day at work too.

While working he texted me. Which is fine. Nothing out of the usual. He wanted he to help him pick up his truck from somewhere. Needed a ride.

No problem. I said I’d help.

We continue texting which eventually leads to a fight about how he won’t tell me certain things because I won’t tell him certain things.

I point out that I won’t tell him certain things because they have both harassed me in the past and haven’t completely earned my trust back yet.

I’ll give him opportunities to show me I can trust him and half of the time he fails.

He reads more into the they’ve harassed me then anything else so he basically says something along the lines of I didn’t mean to offend you. I’ll never contact you again. I only wanted to be friends.

I tell him that this isn’t what I want. I want to be friends but it’s hard to explain how I feel through text. I only want him to understand why I can’t share everything anymore. Once I did and it caused me nothing but pain. But if the only reason he’s not telling me stuff is because I’m not telling him every little single detail of my life then that’s not right either.

I do want to be friends with him. We started as friends long before we started dating.

Is it possible to be friends with an ex?

I don’t even know. I just want the fighting to stop. I want everyone to stop jumpin to conclusions. Me included.

I n the end he texts me that’s he’s found someone else to help. After I had been trying to get ahold of him for hours about meeting up.

I don’t even know if he’ll talk to me again. I guess I just have to wait and see.


What a long dramatic day.

First his Facebook account is deactivated again. I assume they broke up. Again.

Then it’s reinstated and their status is married. Which obviously isn’t true. He’s still married to me and she’s still married to her first husband from years ago. The guy before the one she cheated in with him.

I guess one of her friends told her that her ex was talking to me so of course she flips out.

First she tells her ex that he shouldn’t talk to me because I’m trying to move on and he’ll just bring up emotions. Which is somewhat true but if he needs help getting through it I’m not going to shut him out.

Everybody needs somebody sometimes.

Of course that’s not what they see.

They think if me and her ex are talking it must be because we’re plotting against them and spreading rumours and stories.

That’s the furthest thing from the truth.

When we talk we talk about how hurt we are. How we can’t believe that the once loves of our lives could treat us like garbage without a second thought.

Just now my ex sent me a huge email about how wonderful she is and I should realize that. Why? Because he heard that I was talking with her ex?

That doesn’t change anything.

I come home every night to this empty apartment. Bare of furniture or possessions. Bare of anything that is mine.

For the past three nights I have sat here alone. Crying. Because they have nothing better to do than talk about me.

Now he’s phoned and says to watch out for her ex cuz he’s just trying to get custody of her kids. Which I don’t think is true. He says he wants split custody anyway.

I don’t know. I honestly just want them all to leave me alone.

Why does everyone have to lie and spread hate.

Whatever happened to the golden rule?

I don’t think anyone even knows what it is anymore.

Strange Messaging

Her ex has messaged me on Facebook. I don’t even know why. He says he wants to talk to someone that has been in the same situation as him.

I don’t even know if it’s really him or not. His Facebook account was only opened Dec 5 2015. Plus it wouldn’t be the first time she’s opened fake accounts to harass me.

Why won’t they just all leave me alone? I don’t want anything to do with any of them.

My friends say I should get proof of who he is and if it is him I should talk to him.

I’m not entirely sure I want to.

I really don’t know what to do in this situation.

I felt depressed and anxious most of the day and this sure didn’t help matters.


Bad Kitty

I had a great weekend away. Went shopping, to the movies, brunch, dancing. Had a lot of fun. I love visiting people.

The problem is when I got home.

My cat often gets angry for being left alone for a long period of time and will poop on the floor to show it. That’s no problem. I was expecting it. She always does it. I cleaned it up and went about my day.

The problem was after that. I was talking to my dad on the phone and the cat just poops right there in front of me. It wasn’t on the floor but in a cardboard box that I had laid out for her because she likes to play in them.

The box had been there for a week so I’m not sure why she pooped in it then when she hadn’t all week.

I don’t know if she was still mad at me for being away or if perhaps she was just confused and thought it was a second litter box. When we lived in the house she had two litter boxes.

Anyway something about it just made me snap. I had a total breakdown.

My cat always liked him better than me and with her pooping like that I just thought what if she doesn’t like it here with me? What if I’m forcing her to be here and she really wants to be with him?

He used to yell at her when she did stuff like poop on the floor. I don’t really like yelling at her but I did anyway because that’s just always how he did it. Now I feel so bad and she’s hiding behind my bed.

I’m sitting here in my empty living room. Crying.

I Don’t Know Why I Bother

The other night he texted me.

He is done with her she’s awful. He’s had enough. They break up at least once a week and he’s sick of it.

I call him to make sure he’s ok because from his texts he doesn’t sound like himself. When he answers it’s clear her kids are there so I tell him he’s still with her. She left him with her kids to make sure of that.

In fact she tricked him into taking her kids. He was dropping her off at work after their fight and her ex was waiting there with the kids.

He was very adamant. They’re broken up. He’s deactivating the Facebook account that she forced him to get to prove it.

I help him deactivate it as he doesn’t know anything about Facebook but I once again tell him that they’re still together.

He says they’re not and wants other ways to prove to her they aren’t. I list a couple but know they won’t really be done.

The next morning he texts me and says I know you were joking but you were right. We are back together.

Now this happens once a week and I’m fairly sick of it at this point. I think everyone is. So I tell him it wasn’t a joke. It was a warning. If he’s back with him I’m not going to be talking to him as she’s psychotic and harasses me at every chance that she gets. Plus whenever he talks to me he keeps it a secret from her which is wrong.

He was very upset about that. Says no one talks to him anymore. Perhaps because he doesn’t listen to advice when people try to help him with her. Also because he doesn’t give them the time of day anymore.

I’m visiting his sister for the weekend and she said yesterday was the first time she’s talked to him in a month and he mostly just complained. He did give her some time though. I mentioned that she was upset that he kept brushing her off so I hope it helps them.

Come Ride the Drama Llama

I texted him today to see if he had anymore boxes of my food. It expires so I wouldn’t want it to be wasted. From what I can tell he has all of my cake mixes and steeped tea.

The cake mixes were free so that’s not a huge deal but the tea is worth over $100. Maybe more.

While he was talking to me he happened to mention how depressed he’s been and how he breaks up with her at least once a week.

I honestly think he needs time to be on his own but he won’t. Or rather she won’t. Everytime he breaks up with her she comes right back. Begging him to let her stay.

It’s such a toxic relationship that I just feel bad for him.

I finally mentioned the email she sent me a while back. The one where the title says she’s apologizing but then the body of the email is just a list of excuses as to why she thinks it’s ok that she can treat me like shit and I should let her.

He wants me to send him a copy. I really don’t want to. It’s just going to stir shit up and I know exactly how it’ll end. They’ll have a huge fight and then get back together and then she send me more messages about how evil I am for trying to break them up and how she’s wonderful.

Does she not realize that she’s the one that’s broken up relationships without caring. Not me. I don’t date men that I know are married. Only trashy woman that don’t respect themselves would.

She’s such a whack job. She’s said multiple times that she knew there was always a chance that we could have gotten back together and how she would understand if that happened but then everytime we did try to get back together, and it was multiple times, she would throw a tantrum.

I don’t even know why he falls for it everytime. He used to hate drama like this. He would honestly just walk away from everything that would be even the slightest bit drama.

Not he’s depressed. Living with someone that makes him miserable. All of his friends hate him for how he treated me and ended things with me.

It’s like his entire life is drama.

He said that a longtime back he thought about what would happen if we ever did get back together and he was saying how he could never see my friends or family because they all hate him now.

I’m not one to hold a grudge. Life is too short to stay mad forever. Live and let live.

Obviously not everyone sees that way.

I would hope that if we ever did get back together that my friends and family would be happy for me and trust my judgement.

I know that wouldn’t happen though. The world is so judging. They would take a look at us and make comments like she’s too gullible. He’s a cheater. She’s spineless. He’s a liar.

The thing about life is not everything is so black and white that people can just be given labels like that.

Reunited with my Cat

This weekend I drove 5 hours to my friends house to pick up my cat. It has been about 4 months since she’s been staying with my friend and I’m so happy to have her back.

I don’t have much in my apartment yet furniture wise but there’ll be lots of room here for her to be happy. Not as much room as there would have been if I was still living in my house obviously but I still think she’ll be happy. Especially without people harassing her.

My poor kitty. I feel so badly that I left her in a situation like that but I honestly thought he would look out for her. I guess I was wrong. At least I know she was safe with my friends. And she’ll be safe with me too.

My family are all worried about me. They keep offering me money and furniture for my apartment. I don’t mind getting furniture as gifts especially if its second hand but I don’t like when they keep trying to give me money.

I’m really not sure what’s been going on with him lately. He’ll talk to me nonstop one day and then not at all the next. I’m still not sure why he wanted to meet up with me that one day.

She’s made him a Facebook account. Forcefully. He’s never been into social media. He doesn’t like that sort of thing. I think it’s more a way to keep an eye on him and his family. His only friends on it so far are his siblings and people that I know are more her friends than his.

I’m sure it’ll come back and bite me in the ass but I sent him a Facebook message saying I had fun when we met up. Hoping she’ll read it. I don’t think she knew he was talking to me let alone that we met up. It’s kinda my way of checking.

I almost feel like warning his siblings that it’s not really his account. That she’s spying on them. You can tell it’s her because none of his actual friends are his friends on it and his mom and dads shared account isn’t his friend either. They use a different name so she wouldn’t know to add it unless she actually was looking for them.

Sudden Communication

The other day he texted me out of the blue. He wanted to meet up. I’m still not even sure why. When I asked he said it was because he had time to kill before his next shift at work. When the weather is bad he has to patrol the roads to make sure the plows are doing their job so he had worked at 3am and then had to stay up all the next night with the storm coming in. He didn’t think he’d be able to go home to sleep in between shifts so he wanted to hang out to kill time.

It ended up that he did have time to go home and sleep. So my question is why would he wake up early to spend time with me before work?

We had a good time too. Walked around the harbour front. Chatted and joked around. He brought me a box of my stuff at my request since I couldn’t get down his driveway in this weather. I gave him some of his stuff that was accidentally packed with mine. He even hugged me goodbye.

When I got home we were texting each other jokes most of the night too. I started the texts last night. I knew he was upset about working the night shift so I sent some jokes to cheer him up but today while I was at work he started texting me. Riddles and jokes.

I’m so confused. Why did he start texting? Why did he want to meet up?

Usually he only talks to me or anyone when they’ve broken up. He wouldn’t talk about her so it’s hard to say what’s going on with them.

He made hints towards them being broken up and hints toward them being together so I really have no idea.

If they are still together I wonder if she knows that he’s talking to me. She usually sends me threats when he doesn’t have her permission.

Moving Day Eve

Tomorrow I will be moving into my apartment after work. I’m so anxious. I don’t think I’ve ever really lived alone. I grew up with my family. My first year of college I was in residence. Every year after that was with him.

I’m excited to have my own space but nervous. I’m anti social by nature and living alone may not be good for me. I’d want to ask my cousin to live with me but I’m not sure how. I’m not even sure if she knows I’m seperated.

I’ll be happy to have some of my own space but unfortunately I still won’t have my stuff. There’s been heavy rains lately so his driveway is mud. I don’t want to get stuck in the driveway there again. Last time was bad enough.

Thank goodness for my family being there for me. My dad went to my brothers to get some things for me to use in the mean time. My grandmother had moved into a home recently so my brother was storing some of her old stuff in his garage. I’ve got dishes, pots, pans, a small table, a tv, utensils and an air mattress.

Everything seems so final once I move into my own place. I’ll really be on my own and without him. I spent the last couple of days removing my self from his policies such as insurance and phone plan.

The phone plan was the worst. It was technically in his name because his union at work had a deal. So I cancelled the plan and switched providers but since I was through bell they locked the phone. I went to the bell store to have it unlocked and was told they can’t do it but let me use their phone to call customer service. I was transferred repeatedly and told I can’t unlock it without his permission. I’d have to talk to him and call back.

Callback on what? My phone is locked. Also I try not to speak to him as I don’t like being harassed or threatened. Not that they care. It’s his phone after all. They even told me that I’d have to pay $75 to unlock it and a $150 deactivation fee. I understand the unlocking fee but the deactivation fee makes no sense. I was pay as you go and they owe me $10 according to my account.

In the end I unlocked it using an online company. Took 1 hour and $20.

I missed a lot of calls that I’ll never know of but received all of my texts and voicemails so id hope a message was left if it was important.

Packing now. Radio on. Wine poured.

Maybe once I get my cat back from my friend I will feel less alone. I’ll have to wait a week at the most. I miss my kitty.