Accident

Today I got into an accident while driving the rental vehicle. I work for a rental company and was delivering a vehicle to a different site.

No one is hurt. The rental car has no damage but the other guys car has damage on the bumper so of course we had to call the insurance companies.

I am so freaked out!

I’ve only had this job for a month and it’s the best job I’ve ever had. What if I’m fired over the accident?

I’m 29 years old and this is the first real accident I’ve ever had.

I’m so stressed out right now. I can’t lose this job.

I need to be able to make money so I can get my own apartment so I can stop crashing at friends houses.

I know they want me out. They’ve been so patient with me but I don’t blame them.

I’ve been here since January. That’s when I left my house because of threats from him and his girlfriend. I still don’t feel that safe here though. He knows where I am. I’d love to have a place of my own.

None of that is going to happen if I’m fired.

I called my boss to let him know what happened. Told him that insurances were called and everything is fine. He didn’t seem too upset but he never really does. I asked him what happens when something like this happens and he said he didn’t know. I work for such a huge company so I don’t know what will happen.

I’ve heard of drivers hitting animals or parked cars and they still work for the company but I don’t know about actual accidents.

Plus it’s only been a month.

I’m so scared. I can’t lose this job.

Happy Easter

Tonight is the first night I’ll be on my own since everything. Every night until now has at least partly been spent with people. Whether crashing on someone’s couch or staying late and then coming home to sleep.

I feel lonely and slightly anxious.

A lot to feel anxious about lately. I’ve been apartment hunting. Couch surfing can only last so long. But getting my own apartment seems like such a final step. Like once I do this we are not getting back together ever.

I went to visit family for Easter this weekend. I enjoy spending time with them but the weather this weekend has been awful so it changed my 2 day visit to about a half day visit. I was supposed to drop in on my ex in laws but didn’t have time between all of the travelling and the weather.

I feel like I need to spend as much time with them as I can now. When I joined their family I thought it’d be forever. I don’t have many people I’m close to in my life so it really hurts when I lose someone.

I had a good time with the rest of my family. Easter dinner with my brother and his family. We played cards after and I won $6. Plus I was given a jar of homemade maple syrup. I’m not a huge maple syrup fan but don’t tell anyone. It’s not very Canadian of me.

Tomorrow I work a half day at work and then I have Easter lunch with my parents. I hope it goes well. It’s a bit post ponned because of me working a half shift and my dad is a very scheduled person.

My mom said she going to give me money for a deposit for getting an apartment until I either get my tax refund or settlement money from the house.

I don’t really like tak no money from her but I feel so stuck. I was laid off for 2 months before getting a job and before that I had bought a house that I now can’t even live in.

I can’t even get my stuff from the house without him going crazy.

I don’t even know if he’ll let me have everything that is mine. He says it’s all packed up except for what he’s using. Should he be using anything of mine? If something breaks I know he won’t want to replace it.

Birthday Celebrations 

Tomorrow is the 20th birthday of my sister in law. Or ex sister in law I guess.

We’ve always been very close. She’s definitely one of my best friends. She was even the maid of honour in my wedding.

I spent the weekend at her place to help her celebrate. It was so much fun. We went out dancing and saw scary movies and pigged out on pizza and ice cream.

She was telling me that I look so much happier without him. I figure why dwell on things. I’ve always been an optimist so why change that.

It seems like none of his family is talking to him. They all think he’s an idiot for treating me as he did. Plus they all agree that his new girlfriend is a severe downgrade from me.

All nice things to hear but I wonder if he will ever figure that out.

Everyone agrees that he has changed for the worse.

His brother is getting married in June and doesn’t want him to come to the wedding anymore because of how different he is.

It sounds like his parent don’t want him to visit anymore either. The last time he was there he brought her and all of her kids then he used his parents as a baby sitting service and was no where to be found for the most of the trip. Wouldn’t wake up until 1pm while the kids were up from 6am.

Normally he is all about family time. Whenever we stayed with his family he’d be the first one up because he didn’t want to miss any time with his family. We’d spend time doing activities with the family whether it was biking, bonfires or watching the game on tv.

I hope he realizes what he’s doing.

Taxes

Since we had just bought a house in the summertime we were going to get out taxes done together to make it easier. He has the house documents at the house and we haven’t signed any separation papers yet so it made since. But he has just emailed me the papers saying as discussed here are the papers that you need for taxes. When yesterday he was saying he’ll let me know when he’s free to meet up for the taxes.

If I had to guess he mentioned to her that he was talking to me about getting them done together and she freaked out. She is the most insecure person I’ve ever met. I mean what other kind of person would say “I know it’s possible that you’d could get back together with your wife and that’s ok” and then everytime he tries to get back together with me does doesn’t because she freaks out and threatens to hurt herself if he doesn’t go back to her.

Honestly it’s probably better this way. If he thinks a happy relationship is breaking up with someone every other week that definitely not what I’m looking for. Too bad though because I was hoping he could bring me a box or two of my stuff. Some of it is food, tea and medical stuff that do expire.

I don’t ¬†even know if I should contact him asking about it because I’m sure it’ll be more drama than it’s worth. Especially if she’s around. She’s so paranoid that she doesn’t let him text or call anyone. The only time he has to contact people is when he’s at work.

“Special Weekend”

He got back together with her over the weekend. I knew their being broken up wouldn’t last. It never does. They’ve been going out for about 3 months and have broken up and gotten back together about 5 times. There’s probably sometimes I don’t even know about too.

He texted me telling me they got back together. Then asked me if anything special had happened for my weekend like it did for his.

Is that his way of rubbing it in that they’re back together?

If he likes fighting and being unhappy then it’s good he’s with her and not me. I hate fighting. I’m often called the piece maker because of that.

Every time I talk to him now all he talks about is how awful his life is and how bad things always happen to him. Talk about being a pessimist.

He also only talks to me when I know he’s at work. She probably doesn’t know he’s even talking to me. Which means I can expect a nasty email from her in the future.

She is way too much drama for my liking.

I actually had a really great weekend. The weather was fantastic. I went dancing with some work friends on Friday. Bonfire with smores on Saturday. Relax and clean on Sunday.

University Bound

My cousin has accept d her offer to go to university in the same city that I live in. It’s about 5 hours away from family so I’ll be somewhat of a life line for her here in the city. We us d to be close when I lived back home so it’ll be nice to reconnect with her.

I was hoping she accept to university here. I secretly want to get an apartment with her. There’s a great place in the south end that also has a pool and sauna. Splitting the rent would be a huge help. Plus I know her parents would feel better with me around to look out for her.

That was before he started contacting me again. I don’t know what will happen with him but it seems like he’s acting less crazy and more like his usual self. I always thought that it was her that was making him act differently.

I really don’t know what to do about him. I haven’t heard from him since Friday. He was going out with a friend that I know is friends with her so I really don’t know what to expect.

I do know that I’m going to take care of myself and try not to worry about him. If he wants to talk great. If he doesn’t that’s fine too. I can’t spend my life worrying about him.

One thing I do miss is being touched. Just a simple hug or pat on the arm. Most people that I know here aren’t touchy feely and I’m definitely not ready for another relationship yet.

Contact

He texted me yesterday. It had been the first time he has contacted me in about 3 weeks. It seems like he has broken up with her after realizing that she’s not the person he thought she was. They got in a fight and she spent the night threatening to hurt herself. It’s not the first time that she’s threatened self harm and it’s not the first time they’ve had a massive fight about next to nothing. She calls him a liar all of the time.

This time it got so bad he had to call the cops because he was worried about what she may do to herself.

She also cheated on him just to have somewhere to go.

She still has all of her stuff at his house so I’m sure it’ll get worse before it gets better. If they don’t end up getting back together. He said they broke up two weeks ago but the stuff with the cops was just the night before.

He said it made him realize how he had treated me and that he had done some unforgivable things to me but wanted me to know that he is really sorry.

He also said he misses his best friend.

It seems like he’s having a tough time. He was telling me how his credit card is maxed. His pickup truck is broken. He’s so stressed that he’s lost a ton of weight. The house needs a lot of upkeep. He has gotten his truck stuck in the driveway several times this year.

I’m really not sure what to make of everything. Why is he contacting me now? Does he really feel bad? Does he just want something?

Lawyer Up

Today I had my first official appointment with my lawyer. I gave a retainer and set out my goals which is basically just to get my fair share of money for the house that we had just bought in the summertime. My dad had also given money for the deposit so I would like that back for him as well.

Pretty much all of my friends and family think I should go after him for everything he has but that’s not what I want. I don’t want revenge or to be cruel, no matter how he and his girlfriend have been treating me. I just want what’s fair and what is owed to me.

There’s still some of my things at the house that I need to get. A lot of it is heavy furniture so I need help removing it as well as a truck to put it in so its been pretty hard to arrange. I really want my stuff out of there. Even if it is just to be out into storage at least I know it will be safe. I’ve already had him threaten to burn the furniture that my grandfather had built for me. Plus when I was there to get some of my smaller things he kept trying to hide certain things and tell me that he had already packed it when I turn around for it to be in plane sight. Not even anything special, something as small as my alarm clock or a slow cooker.

The lawyer is very expensive so I hope she can help me. He wants to do the separation using a book from chapters since he doesn’t have money for a lawyer. He’s been doing anything he can to try and scare me out of using a lawyer too. From horror stories with friends separating and it taking years and costing nearly a million dollars to he’s going to send everything back and question everything just so it is more expensive. His friends separations may have taken longer with children. We don’t have children. As for costing nearly a million dollars that’s ridiculous.

My friends and family think that he doesn’t want me to use a lawyer so he can take advantage of me and get out of paying me for the house. All of my savings went into the house as well as my RSP as a first time home buyer. I’m hoping to get at least that back. Plus my dad’s money.

I know he’s already trying to give me low numbers. He also wants me to pay his credit card bill as I used to in our relationship. I’ve been laid off since January and with my new job I don’t get my first pay until Friday. My credit card is maxed and my bank account has $5 left in it. Not sure why he thinks I have all of this money hidden away.

I’m not sure how he has changed so much in such a short period of time. He used to be so sweet and not malicious at all.

On the plus side I have been given great advice on a new phone plan by a friend so I can get off his phone plan. It’s way cheaper too!

Separation 101

Separation can be a tricky thing. For the most part it’s an emotional time filled with regrets, bitterness and anger.

While I do have regrets I am not sure I feel bitterness or anger. I am one that believes everything happens for a reason. Some people come into our lives for a particular reason and when that purpose is done there is no longer room for them in your life.

Of course it’s hard not to feel sad when everything you once knew is changed in a short span of time. In the span of a week I lost my job, my husband, my home and my pet.

I’m slowly putting everything back together. I’ve learned a lot along the way. One thing I know is that having good friends in your corner can help get you through anything.

I’m staying at a friends house while I save money to find an apartment. I have a brand new job that is better than any other job I have had before. My pet has found a place to stay with a different friend until I find an apartment.

Life can be hard sometimes but I’ve learned that as long as you have a good attitude and face the world with a smile on your face that you can accomplish almost anything.

This blog will be a place to record my journey. A lot of this is new to me and I’m sure I’ll make a lot of mistakes along the way.